The Wilderness

This has been the hardest 52 days of my life. I say that hesitantly, because it’s also been some of the best days of my life. It has been filled with loneliness, expectancy, feeling like I have no purpose, disappointments, growth, joy, and meeting God in a way I never have before. Before I spill about my life the past few weeks, I just want to say I love Kampala, Uganda. It is a very special place that I see God at work all around me. Not everyday has been super hard. Some days have been so so good and filled with so much joy. But, transitioning is just hard in general and then throw in a new culture, a new way of life, and it just doubles. But, GOD IS SO GOOD. I am so excited to share what God has been teaching me, and I pray that this will encourage you. Maybe you are in a transition, and you are feeling out of the normal, but just keep pressing on. God is all around you. His ways are higher than ours, and He is writing a beautiful story for your life. I am learning to embrace this, and it is changing my life. 

The weekend of September 18th was a game changer for me. I came home from working at M1, the national prison we go into on Tuesdays and Fridays. This particular day was a Friday. We got home around 4, and I remember thinking to myself…”Now what? It’s Friday. I have nothing to do.” This moment was probably the loneliest I have felt since being here. I laid in our hammock and just started crying. Actually to be honest, I wept. I texted all of my best friends and asked them to pray. I told them all the things I wish I could be doing…”It’s Friday. I want to be sitting around a table with my best friends and make dinner together and laugh. I want to have a movie night and go on walks through the park. I want to drive down the road and say hi to my grandparents then drive over to Max and Olivia’s and hug them. I want to go on a midnight run to Cookout and go on a sunrise hike to Carver’s Gap. I want to go to an Elizabethton football game with all my high school friends. I want my life in JC right now in this moment. It will pass. But right now, I am grieving it.” This was my first moment where I really asked myself, “what the heck am I doing in Uganda?” But…then something really beautiful happened. I began praying. I asked God to show me that He loved and that He was with me. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up to see a beautiful white butterfly flying above my head in the trees. I heard a whisper tell me…”Caroline, I am with you. I am making you new everyday. I brought you to the wilderness to meet me face to face, to challenge you, and to show you I’m all you need. Don’t be afraid to fly with the wings I’ve given you. I am making you steadfast. I love you.” I couldn’t stop smiling, because I knew it was true. Oh, how He loves me. Then He gave me Hosea 2:14..

“Therefore, I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.” 

The truth is this has been the hardest 52 days of my life, BUT I have heard God’s voice like never before, I have clung to His word and my grip is so tight, I have been brought to my knees in desperation, I have gained more knowledge and wisdom, and I fallen more in love with my groom that calls me beloved.  

God has brought me to my wilderness to experience Him…so I will know Him more. I am learning to let go of what I love at home to grab hold of the incredible experiences God has for me here. A sweet friend who works with me said to me a couple of weeks ago, “To enjoy Uganda, you have to enjoy what you’re doing here.” Now, let me just say…I love what I do here. It is such a gift. I honestly have a hard time wrapping my head around my job and how incredible Sixty Feet is. It is truly doing big things for the kingdom and children imprisoned in Uganda! I just have been a little cloudy these first 52 days due to my transition and own selfish feelings….but, I read a quote in Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby the other day that really stood out to me…

“He will always work in you before He works through you.”

God is on the move in my heart, and I am about to hit a huge breakthrough of love for what I get to be a part of here. God has laid it on my heart to have a theme for every month that I’m here and in that theme, commit to pray everyday for an area of my life that needs growth and healing. September was loneliness and frustration and in that being met by God and finding my fulfillment in resting in Him. October is finding joy where God has me….in my job, friendships and life here in Kampala. We had a staff retreat a couple weeks where a lady shared about her and her husbands move to Kenya…she shared that the hardest part was leaving behind her family and life back in the states. In that, God reminded her that every gift is from above. God is the giver of all those things, and He is capable of giving us those gifts no matter where on the map we are. I have started a gift journal and have committed to everyday write down gifts from the day. I am excited to experience God changing my heart this month and finding joy in my life here.

I have had the sweet privilege of meeting with the founder of Sixty Feet’s wife, Shelly, Thursday mornings. She has already been such a blessing, a strong encourager, and an escape on really hard days. We are going through Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby (the book I already mentioned above). It is seriously changing my life. If you haven’t read it, this is my strong recommendation :) I have been learning so much about God’s will and character. Here are a few quotes that have really hit home with me:

“When you trust that God always gives His best, you will devote your heart to whatever assignment God gives because you know that in that role you can experience everything God has in His heart for you. Those who are perennially unhappy and dissatisfied with God’s assignments exhibit their lack of belief that God loves them and that He is expressing His love in His guidance of their lives.” 

“Sometimes we’re bewildered as to why God has not blessed our efforts. We make plans and enlist God to bless them. God is often waiting on us to surrender our lives to Him, making ourselves available for God to accomplish His divine purposes.” 

“God wants us to live an abundant life and to be filled with divine joy. But the plans He has for my life are based on what He is doing around the world. We often wear ourselves out trying to accomplish little for the kingdom. When you labor where He is already at work, He accomplished His purposes through you. The experience is not meant to be exhausting or burdensome but exhilarating and fulfilling.” 

“God wants you to be the person He created you to be and to let him do through you whatever He chooses. God can do anything He pleases through an ordinary person who is fully dedicated to Him.”

Lord, I will do anything your Kingdom requires of me. Wherever you want me to go, I’ll go. Whatever the circumstances, I’m willing to follow. If you want to meet a need through my life, I am your servant, and I will do whatever you ask.

Take heart, dear friends. Your wilderness will not limit you, it will bring you to a place of meeting your God in such a real and deep way. Let’s embrace our wilderness and run towards His will. 

“Go and proclaim in the hearing of Jerusalem: This is what the Lord says, ‘I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and followed me through the wilderness.” Jeremiah 2:2

One month.

I took you from the ends of the Earth, from the farthest corners, I called you. I said, "You are my servant; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” Isaiah 41

I never expected it to be easy. I even came in knowing that there would be challenges and hard days. But, I never imagined that because of that, I would grow and learn all that I have in just one month of living in Kampala, Uganda. God has captivated my heart in a deeper way than I have ever experienced before and brought me to a place of dependence on Him that has always been foreign to me, but so so good.

31 days ago, I moved to Kampala, Uganda. I started working for Sixty Feet (known as Children’s Justice Initiative in country). I am a nurse for CJI and daily enter government facilities where children are kept. I have patched lots of dirty wounds, listened to multiple lung sounds, said wa awakaluma (where is the pain?) and kolola (cough for me) more times than I can count, and hugged, smiled, and loved so many beautiful Ugandan children. It is such a gift, and I absolutely love it. 

My first week here, I met a girl who quickly became a friend. I shared with her the lies that had crept in so easily….not feeling equipped for this, letting fear control me, and just overall feeling very inadequate. She gave me the scripture Isaiah 41 and told me that God had laid it on her heart to share it with me. I immediately knew while reading it that it was my scripture for while I’m here. And ever since, I have kept it near to my heart. I’m so thankful for a Father that has called me to a far corner, to an end of the Earth that is so far from what I know and that He would choose to use me in this place that He loves. 

I am going to attempt to explain a little more about CJI and what we do here in Uganda. Since this is a longer post, I will start each paragraph with a question and if you want to know the answer, you can keep reading or skip to the next paragraph. [pictures at the end as well]

Why are these children in prison? CJI works with children that are imprisoned all over Uganda. We weekly work in facilities we call M1, M2, and M3. M1 is the national prison that we work with. It is about 45 minutes from Kampala. M2 is a remand home (this is an old english term for prison) in Kampala that children over 12 years go while they await their sentence to see if they must go to the national prison. M3 is more of a governmentally ran  orphanage for children under the age of 12. Children are here mostly because they have no where else to go, and the government has rounded them up. Any of the children in these prisons can be here for a variety of reasons. Some have committed crimes like murder, theft or defilement (sex under the age of 18 is illegal in Uganda and anyone caught in the act of this can be charged and sent to the national prison for a number of years). Some of the other children that we serve have been brought to M1 illegally by their families. Then there are a number of kids who are rounded up on the streets and sent to prison simply because there is nowhere for the police to take them. Before children are convicted of the crimes they have committed (or have not committed) they are given a date to go to court and are remanded (sent to M2 or another remand home in different parts of Uganda…all the remand homes feed into M1 the national prison). Some children are released from the remand home if they are not convicted, but if they are, and their sentence is longer than what they have already served in the remand home then they are sent out to M1 to serve until their sentence is up. 

What is the role CJI specifically takes with these children? CJI does a lot of counseling at the facilities, tracing families to resettle the children, sponsoring children that we've resettled (this would include helping them go to school and providing for them in different ways], forming relationships, and sharing the Gospel with them weekly by some friends that have volunteered to come and lead the kids in worship and share with them a word from the Bible. We also provide for physical needs they have at the prison such as clothing, food if needed, and other needs that may come up. And, then there is the medical side of CJI which is where I come in, but I will talk about this in the next paragraph :) When children have finished their sentences, they are ready to be resettled with family. Before CJI came in, there was not an effective process for getting kids out and back to their families or in foster care. Now CJI has implemented a resettlement counseling course that a group of kids go through each month who are ready to be resettled. These can be kids whose sentences are up or kids that should have never been at M1 in the first place (ex: a child rounded up on the streets). Before we ever resettle a child, we make sure we have all the information on a child including what their home life will be like. We make sure every kid has a supportive family to go home to before we send them on their way. It really is an incredible ministry that pours into these children so much, and it is a blessing to be able to be a part of it. This is a lot of info, so feel free to reach out to me if you have questions or want to know more!

What is my specific role with SixtyFeet? I am a nurse on the medical team. Our medical team consists of 4 nurses at the moment. We have a doctor and his family moving here in January. It is going to be so great to have a doctor on our team! Two of us are from America, and the other two are Ugandans. Our job consists of assessing children, caring for wounds and illness, providing medicine if a child is sick, taking children to a clinic/hospital if necessary, HIV testing every child that comes into a facility, and educating staff and the kids on health and prevention. On Mondays and Thursdays, we go into M2 (the remand home in Kampala) and M3 (the government orphanage for children under 12 and children with disabilities) and on Tuesdays and Fridays, we go to M1, the national prison. It’s a busy week, but I am starting to find my place and role here, and I feel this whole new confidence as a nurse with these kids…which is such an answer to prayer! 

Here Lately…

• Clare and I do a bible study with the girls at M1 on Tuesdays and Fridays...it's one of my favorite things we do here! I love showing these girls that we are here for them and getting to share Truth with them. 
• I’ve been learning how much I value getting up the extra hour in the morning to spend time with Jesus and allow His grace to wash over me for my day…this has easily become my favorite part of my day.
• The Holy Spirit is a gift…and communing with Him throughout my day makes such a difference…we get to approach the throne of grace at all times because of the cross..how incredible is this? I have also been hearing from God in ways I never have before, and I feel like I have opened a door to a whole new gift that Jesus gives us when we follow Him!
• I eat Chipote (a Ugandan staple that is like a tortilla) way too much
• Avacados here are the bomb…and triple the size as the ones in the US and so cheap!
• If I moved only my pinky toe, my bed would still squeak 
• My feet are permanently stained red
• I am officially a part of the worship team at Sojourn (the church I’ve been going to…it’s an Acts 29 church, and I love it)…note to self: if you tell someone you love to sing, you may end up on a worship team your third week in the country…and I’ve also been having to catch on to some Luganda songs real fast :)
• I have really been missing my YL girls [here’s your shoutout :)]…I have been praying about this, and God opened a door for me to lead a bible study with some Ugandan high school girls…super pumped about this.
• Clare and I have watched an insane amount of 24 since we’ve been here…and Clare has a crush on Jack Bauer (she may kill me for saying this)
• We walk a lot here, and it’s so fun! 
• We are learning to drive in Uganda! There are barely any traffic regulations and everywhere you go is crazy no matter what time of the day it is, and you drive on the left side of the road here, but overall not too bad! 
• When you lose power here, it could be days before it comes back on
• I am starting to make some good friends here, and everyday it feels more and more like I have a life here. I'm continually learning how to take ownership of my life in Uganda and am excited about different connections God has brought together!

Thank you all for your continuous prayers and support. Living here is truly a dream, and I can only imagine how the next 11 months are going to shape me. 

Mbagalanyo [I love you all so much] :)

Our first day of work

The kids at M1 got new jeans!

Our recent resettlement class finished, and these children got their certificates. They are going home soon :)

My first buddy at M1

Teaching the kids at M1 how to make soap

The sweet guy worshiping at M1

One of our counselors teaching a child at M1 how to write his name

Visiting one of our foster homes

I'm in there, I promise

This is my sweet friend, Maggie. She has served whole heartedly for SixtyFeet the past year and a half. I'm so thankful for getting to know her here before she heads back to America. 

The gang celebrating Mags at her going away party

We got to name this sweet baby girl...Alepal Talitha.
 He took her by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum!...Little girl, I say to you arise." [Mark 5:41]

Debbie and I go on many adventures together. This particular day we were helping resettle this deaf man who has lived at M3 for the past 23 years.

Just a normal site in Uganda

Quiet mornings 

Happy birthday to the best dad!

We got this sweet girl some glasses at M3

Sometimes you just gotta have a dance party

Meet my friend, Thomas. He leads the kids at M1 in worship every Tuesday and Friday. 

And, this is my friend Bolton. He preaches to the kids at M1 after Thomas leads worship.

We held a first aid seminar with the staff at M3. 

Clare's degree in special education is so helpful at M3 with children with disabilities. We are so thankful for her and her love for these kids. 

Quiet days in the clinic turn into game days with these kiddos

Thanks Mags for showing me all the good local places :)

We found mexican...praise!

Our bible study at M1 with the girls

Home

Giddy.....there I was walking out of the Entebbe airport, running on 3 hours of sleep, over 24 hours of travel, and I was giddy. I took in the fresh Uganda air, and I smiled. I was right where I was supposed to be, and I knew it without a doubt in my mind.

Backup to 24 hours earlier...well to be exact, 3 months ago. The goodbyes were starting. I knew in my heart that I was moving on to a new chapter in my story, and it was time to leave what I knew and what was familiar. Yet, still it hurt. Since then, I have had to say goodbye over and over again. I tend to be an I'm going to bottle it up and act like I am not phased by it type of person, but this summer...this summer was different. I was phased. I was hurting. And, I was heartbroken leaving people and places I love so much. Making a decision to move across the world seemed pretty easy for me at the time. After all, it was my dream. I never took into consideration the mess of tears that would come of it. This summer came with lots of processing and trusting that I had never experienced before...would I raise all my support, would I pass my NCLEX in one try, would I be able to get all my stuff ready to move during the short period of time I had given myself, would I be able to say goodbye to everyone I care about...and it goes on. God taught me a lot during this time. Often times when we are stepping into places He has called us...places that will change the lives of others and ourselves as well...He is at work big time...but just as much as He is at work, the enemy is at work as well. I definitely felt that this summer. Lies after lies flooded in. Who am I to move to Uganda and be a nurse? Who am I to be given such an incredible opportunity? Who would ever want me to work for their ministry? This was a constant battle going on in my head that I had to continually counteract with Truth. I am loved. I am called. I am adequate. I am His. And, the biggie....He will equip me. FULLY.

Sitting in the airport at 6 am waiting to board my first plane to Uganda, I realized what a gift my emotions were. Yes, goodbyes are hard. Trusting is hard. But, how incredible that leaving a place brings tears flowing down my cheeks. I wrote in my journal..."Goodbyes are hard when you leave behind people and places that have stolen your heart. I'm thankful for my hard goodbyes." So you sitting there reading this....you that I hugged 20 times and said goodbye to over and over. You who have cried with me and prayed with me. You who supported me. You who reminded me that I was made for this. You are a gift. You have made my life great, which makes it hard to walk away from you. You, dear friends and family, are my greatest blessing. And, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness.

So, here I am sitting in my room...my room...in Uganda trying to gather my thoughts and soak all this in. How do you comprehend a calling you first felt when you 13 years old that is coming true? For me, I listen to Good Good Father (many of you could have guessed this) over and over again and praise my Father. The one who created me and wrote my story. The one who said, "This is Caroline Flippin. She will be many things. She will love life and laughter. She will love people. She will be bold to go where I lead her. She will be a nurse in Uganda. Her life will never be the same, because of the grace I will pour out over her." And that, that story brings me to my knees and humbles me and reminds me how blessed I am. What an honor that the maker of the world chose me for this simply because He loves me.

Two days ago if someone would have asked where home is for me, I would have said Tennessee. Where my roots are. Where my love runs deep. But, He's been teaching me a lot about the word home. Home isn't a building or a place. Home is simply where He has you right now in this moment. This is my place. This is my family. This is my kingdom.

Welcome to my home.

I spent my last week in the states with my mom's family. Our last night, they all prayed over me, and I am so thankful for the support and love they daily give me. It's such a gift being a Speropulos.

Our last dinner as a family for a while...I chose mexican of course.

Face timing my parents saying goodbye before take off and my dad pops in like this. 

And, we're off!

Meet our dog, Beau

My Journey to Sixty Feet

From Tennessee to Uganda - Caroline Flippin from Justin Burgan on Vimeo.

This video is a story...a story that isn't about me or what I'm doing but about something much much bigger. It's a story of redemption and a calling that is higher. It's a story of faith and surrender to a God that is able to do more than I could ever imagine. This story is about Him.

When you find a dream that you hope to achieve one day, it becomes this big idea in your head. You think of it often, and you imagine if it's possible. For me, I hoped that one day my dream would become a reality, but if I'm being honest deep down, I thought surely the Lord would never use me as a nurse in Uganda. I mean that would be crazy, right? That would take boldness and trust that I didn't know if I was capable of. But, thank goodness I am not dependent on myself.

About ten months ago. I was sitting on my couch reading the Word, and I came across a verse that I had never noticed before. And, instantly it was bolded in front of me. 

"Do all that you have in mind. Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul." 

1 Samuel 14:7

I remember thinking what would my life look like if this was how I lived? If everyday I said, "Okay Jesus, I am with you heart and soul. Whatever you have for me, I'm with you." I felt an overwhelming feeling telling me to pray this daily. So, that's what I did. Every day. For 5 months. I had no idea why the Lord had asked this of me, and I had no idea what He was preparing for me. But, I prayed and I waited. On August 12th, 2014, I found out about the ministry Sixty Feet. Sixty Feet is a ministry in the capitol of Uganda. It pours into the lives of Ugandan children imprisoned there. They have a medical team on staff that treats these children. When I heard of this, I slowly but surely began the process of pursuing to work with them. After a couple of interviews, they asked me to come and be a nurse on their medical team. In the midst of weeping, I knew this was what I had been praying and preparing myself for. To say yes to moving to Uganda in August to live as a nurse...for a year! And so begins the fulfilling of a dream. A dream that is not my own. But, His. A dream He has entrusted me to help fulfill. A dream that will change my life and many others.

Something like this, I can't go at alone. Something like this takes lots of prayer and support. But, I know and fully believe that God does not call His people to places He does not provide the means to get them there. I know this to be true, because I have experienced it first hand. So, with that said, I need your help. 

I need people to commit to pray for me. To pray that my faith would be strengthened and that the Lord would provide for me every step of the way. To pray that I will be able to meet needs of the children I work with in Uganda....that God will give me knowledge in the areas of medicine I will see and be a part of...that He would use my hands to bring glory to Him...that I would be a part of miracles of healing and restoration...that I would never lose sight of Him and who He is...and that because of this ministry, lives would be changed and people would be brought home to a Father who desperately loves and pursues them. Will you pray? 

I will also need financial support. I have to raise $5000 before I leave for Uganda in August, and while I am there, I will need monthly support of $800. Would you be willing to be apart of my financial support team?

To be a part of this journey or to learn more about Sixty Feet, click the Sixty Feet logo at the top of my blog. I will be updating my blog while I am there if you would like to continue following my story. 

 I am forever grateful. Your gifts and prayers will make an eternal impact.