Ever have those days where you question everything? You're stressed and all you want to do is give up. Drop everything and walk away. If you are anything like me, this has happened a time or two...maybe quite possibly more than that. The theme of this semester for me has been Trust. Trust that He will never leave me. Trust that I am right where He wants me. Trust that I will be okay. Trust that He knows me better than I know myself. Trust that inspite of the hard things, He is and will forever be good. These are truths that I forget so easily. I am very much so a type A personality. I like plans, and I like control. And, when I don't have control, I tend to freak out. I've known this about myself for a while, but God has really been pointing it out in my life recently. For the first time in my life, school does not come naturally. I have to study more than I ever have before and still don't do great. In one of my classes, I bombed the first test. There are only three tests, so this really put pressure on me. Because of that one test, I could have failed the class. Looking back, I remember the long, tiring nights thinking why am I doing this? Is this worth it? But, then something happened. I started learning that I literally would not pass on my own. There would be no way I could make it through this semester without the Lord's help. I had my final test on Monday in the class I was borderline in. I remember Sunday night, I felt awful about it..not prepared..stressed..at the point I was referring to earlier...ya know, the drop everything and not just walk but run? Sometimes, I think God looks down on me and probably laughs. Not in a making fun of way, but in a "Caroline, I have you. You are mine. Just breathe." I decided there was nothing else I could do to prepare. If I failed, I failed. If I passed, I passed. Laying there, I couldn't sleep, so I grabbed my Jesus Calling book curious to how Jesus could speak to me in that moment. This is what I read.."I am the Potter; you are My clay. I designed you before the foundation of the world. I arrange the events of each day to form you into this preconceived pattern. My everlasting Love is at work in every event of your life. On some days your will and Mine flow smoothly together. You tend to feel in control of your life when our wills are in harmony. On other days you feel as if you are swimming upstream, against the current of My purposes. When that happens, stop and seek My face. The opposition you feel may be from Me, or it may be from the evil one. Talk with Me about what you are experiencing. Let my Spirit guide you through treacherous waters. As you move through the turbulent stream with Me, let circumstances mold you into the one I desire you to be. Say yes to your potter as you go through this day." I couldn't have asked for a better reminder. He is the Potter. I am the clay. I don't know what the future has for me, but I do know who holds my future. And, I know that right now, in this moment, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. And, if God wants me to be a nurse, then I trust that He will get me through. This reminded me of the first chapter of Love Does by Bob Goff. I sat down and started reading this book the other day. The first chapter really got my attention. One, this guy Randy who was Bob's young life leader is totally awesome....to drop everything and drive across the country with Bob...I mean seriously, that's incredible. But, anyway...what I loved about this chapter is the reoccuring..."I'm with you." Randy just keeps saying to Bob, "I'm with you." Wherever Bob went, Randy followed...never judging, never trying to convince him that he is stupid for being there, not trying to fix him, but just simply being present and supporting Bob. This is Jesus to me. He is by my side and constantly saying, "I am with you. I've got you. I am your Potter. You are my clay, and I make no mistakes." This is hope people, and I am thankful. Love does.
"Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."
-Isaiah 64:8
Oh, and remember that test I was really worried about? I passed and did really well. Thanks, God.
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