I Can Only Imagine

I lay in bed tonight sick. I have a sore throat. I have the chills. I can't breathe well. My bed is infested with bugs. My shower was freezing. And all the while as I lay complaining to God about my little problems, He lays his hand on me. I feel His presence. I'm comforted by His love. And all of a sudden, I find myself thankful for hitting a low point because it's in these moments that I remember that God has His children in His hands. He has me in his hands. He has the hundreds of little kids I have seen in His hands.  I decide to put my iPod in to help give me peace. I have it on shuffle and all of a sudden the instrumental to I Can Only Imagine comes on. Once again, I'm caught up with emotion ( this is gonna have to stop or I will be all dried out for at least a year....the chances aren't looking good).  This song is really special to me because it is the song they played at my aunt's funeral. Ever since I heard it that day as a sixth grade little girl, I remember life. I remember the life my aunt had and although I wasnt old enough to truly know her, I hear stories all the time in Johnson City of the lives she has touched. And although I was too young to remember much, I find myself hoping to impact as she did. So as I listen to this song, I can't help but to think how much I have seen a glimpse of heaven since the second I first looked into these beautiful little people. I sit here and reflect. I begin learning from the little moments I experienced today.  The moment where I looked out and a hundred children are praising God. A hundred children have dirty feet with no shoes, torn clothes, Disabilities, and cuts and they are all lifting their voices up to God in gladness. See in this moment, I realize these children know Jesus. They know Him in a way most people never will here on Earth. They love Him and I'm the one who needs to be reminded. Im the one who doesn't get it. They have nothing, but yet they know they are precious. I have everything and more than I would ever need, and I'm still unsatisfied. Im wrapped up in my little "me" bubble that is beginning to pop. I'm slowly truly beginning to understand that Jesus is enough. That He will sustain me. I lay here sick, but yet because of these little children I feel blessed. I feel God drawing me into him, healing me. Not only physically but spiritually. The pastor at Royal Hope said something that has stuck with me ever since we were there. After the choir sang, he said they were saying, "God I want to be where you are." They would rather risk the little they have just to be with God. And yet I just want these bugs crawling on me to disappear as if that's my biggest concern. Praise the Lord for beautiful little children in Uganda to put me in my place. And that I am reminded of the hope that one day I will be well and these children will have no more worries and we will all be praising God with the same spirit. O how I can only imagine. July 26,2012 Today we left pallisa and drove 3 hours to the Haven in Jinja. Today has been awful. I have felt sick all day. Last night, I was sick to my stomach and after throwing up thought I had just eaten something that didn't settle well in my stomach. But, I have felt sick today as well, so all day I have been taking medications. I didnt sleep more than 45 minutes at a time last night, so Im also exhausted. I am not complaining because I am strong. I can handle this. But, when we go to Canaan Childrens Home tomorrow, I want to feel "me" again. I don't want to feel achy or nautious all day again. I believe in the power of prayer and God hears the prayer I said all last night and today. Whatever is going on with me will get better, and I will give my whole healthy self to loving on kids tomorrow. Pray that I will get well and that whatever I have will not pass to anyone else. And, no worries. I'm in the Lord's hands and there is no safer place to be. And mom, I kept thinking about you last night and wished I was close to you because when you lay hands on me and pray over me, I feel extra comforted.... I guess I'm just all grown up now. Love you all.